Online Matchmaking - Why Online Matchmaking Works

Online matchmakers have taken quite the rap over the last few years. Critics everywhere have risen to attach online dating to the whipping post. They say it’s unsafe, ineffective and creates shallow relationships. Although this may be true for some websites offering online dating, most are safer than meeting someone at the bar. They have a proven track record of very effective methods and the ability to connect people. Due to the fact that they guide the participant through the process they actually create very mature, professional and long-lasting relationships.

Online matchmaking is extremely safe because of the screening process. Your personal information is never made available until you approve it. Some sites even allow you to meet for a casual first date without disclosing any personal information except your first name. Online dating is also safe because each participant goes through a rigorous screening process that details many aspects of the person’s life and history. Some very serious dating services even have you participate in a background check. If safety is the issue, there is nothing to worry about.

It is a surprise to many to discover that online dating is actually very effective. Think about it, when you meet someone at a coffee shop that you take interest in, how long does it take for you answer some basic relational questions? Things like their religious convictions, if they are looking for a serious or shallow dating relationship or if they common interest. These simple questions could take a few weeks of meeting up and spending time together. With online dating, these questions are answered in one click.

You don’t have to waste your time exploring these important questions for weeks just to discover they aren’t a good fit for you. This is why an online matchmaker is much more effective than just meeting someone at a bar. Online dating encourages mature, long-lasting relationships and discourages participants from shallow, one night stands.

Many people want a mature relationship but don’t know where to begin. This is why online dating is so effective. It provides guidance and advice for the person who wants to engage in a serious relationship but has not idea where to begin. There are articles, personal assistance and proven systems that bring clarity and direction to wanderer.

If you’re ready to settle down and begin taking romantic relationships serious then start by finding an online matchmaker. They will provide you with the security and effective steps to take to find mature love. People don’t want to just hang out with someone; they want depth, real love and a genuine heart. You can find like minded people through an online matchmaker.

Prove the critics wrong and give online dating a try. Many sites offer a limited time trial offer so you can explore and give the site a try without spending any money. It’s a lifelong investment that won’t cost a penny. If you’re serious about finding love then get started today – you have nothing to loose.

The Potent Power of Observation For Dating and the Meaning of Meaning With Women

The Potent Power Of Observation For Dating

One of the most powerful skills you can develop when attracting women is observation—and I don’t mean looking at body parts. As you’ll find out in a bit, very few guys have this skill—but it’s one that can immediately set you apart from all the waldos, one that can make you different to her (in a good way).

When most guys have a conversation with a woman, they spend their time “inside their own heads” instead of paying attention to the woman in front of them. This is a huge mistake because if you pay attention to her, she’ll “tell you” exactly how create attraction for her.

The first step in developing your observation skills is to become a “whole listener.” That means when she’s speaking (and when you first meet her you want her to speak more than you) you’re paying attention not only to her words, but her tone, inflection, gestures and overall body language.

At first you’ll only be able to pay attention to one or two things, but as you practice this, you’ll be surprised at how quickly you adjust to her entire spectrum of communication, and are able to pick up on meanings nearly every guy misses.

What you also want to do is actively shut off the conversation inside your own head. Again, this is a “learned skill” because as guys, we want to think about what we should say next to impress her. But when you shut this urge off, and really pay attention to her, that in and of itself creates attraction because it is so different from her experience with other guys.

Another part of observation is watching how she moves- does she slouch? Is she upright? Are her shoulders rolled forward? Is she graceful, or does she lurch when she walks (I can’t stand “lurchers.”) How does she move around you differently than how she moves around other men?

The power of observation is really unlocked when you’re able to notice differences in how she responds to different guys, especially ones she’s not attracted to. If she starts responding to you that way, you know something is off, and you’d better change your behavior.

This is not something you can learn overnight, but not something that takes years—if you make it a habit to actively observe all the women you interact with on a daily basis, within a month or so you’ll get pretty good at it.

You’ll know you’re there when you get “flashes” of intuition, like knowing the moment to take her hand, make a naughty, leading comment, or kiss her. You won’t have to wonder—your observations will let you know… and that’s when the FUN really begins!

The Meaning Of Meaning With Women

On with today’s episode. What does it mean when a woman smiles at you? Or when she flips her hair at you? Or when she ignores you? Do you know? Or does it even matter?

Today I’m going to share one of the most powerful things I’ve ever learned about “meaning,” something that can truly liberate your emotions around women, something that will allow you to never feel rejected or beat down again.

Here it is: there is no meaning to any event, except that meaning we assign to it. AND, we are free to choose to assign an event any meaning we want. Events have no meaning, we as humans are meaning-makers.

Now you guys who’ve done the Forum/EST deal will recognize that immediately. And while I’m not a huge fan of Forum/EST (nor a huge detractor), this is one of the things they teach that is profound.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say you’re dating a woman, and she suddenly dumps you for another guy. The event is, she quit dating you to see another guy, a real jerk. But what’s the meaning? Well, it’s whatever you assign it to be. Most guys however assign the meaning of “I am worthless as a man, I’m a bad boyfriend, and she’ll never like me again.” How useful is that meaning? Not very, and in fact, it’s destructive.

Now, consider this. The same event occurs. But you choose to assign the meaning of, “She disqualified herself from my life, giving me the opportunity to upgrade the position of girlfriend.” Or, how about, “She’s temporarily blinded by the cocaine high of attraction, and when that naturally wears off, she’ll be left with the embarrassment of hurting me, and dating a real jerk.” Much better meanings, huh? And because you’ve chosen a much better meaning to an event, you can make much better decisions, and control your emotional state instead of letting it be controlled.

Now, this isn’t going to make the bad feelings associated with the event immediately go away, but it WILL make them go away much faster AND it will allow you to come up with a plan of action to create events with a more favorable outcome.

So, don’t waste time wondering what a woman’s actions mean—they are simply an event you can assign a meaning to. I’d recommend assigning the most useful one, and then taking action from there.

Are “Trustworthiness” and “Integrity” Bogus Concepts in Dating?

I went into the bank yesterday to make a deposit (a few doers had sent in their checks and money orders for my system, when a customer came in with a look of shock on his face.

He went to the teller and said, “Did you see that guy who just left? He kicked the door, and was cussing—is everything OK?” When he said this, the teller laughed.

“Oh, he does that all the time,” she said, “it’s just how he is. You get used to it—he’s always the same.”

What was interesting to me about this whole event was, if it had been a customer who was always polite and pleasant who’d started cussing and kicking the door, the bank personnel probably would have called the cops instead of laughing.

Why did they laugh? Because the guy was predictable. They knew what he was going to do, and would have thought something was wrong if he DIDN’T cuss and kick the door. In a strange way they could “trust” him.

I’ve written about this before, but it is such an important concept, I want to re-visit it today: I’ll take “predictability” in a person over “trust” and “integrity” any day of the week.

Why? Because “trust” and “integrity” are two highly emotionally charged words, and everyone has a slightly different definition of what they mean… and that’s where problems start.

What usually happens is this: two people get in a relationship with different definitions of “trust” or “integrity.” One person does something they think is perfectly OK, the other thinks it’s a violation of trust or integrity. They then classify the other as not being “trustworthy” (a very negative thing, something no one wants to be known as), and map that “untrustworthiness” into other areas of their life.

Everytime they do something they don’t like they build the “untrustworthy” image more and more, until a big blow up occurs, a blow up that was precipitated because two people had two different map/models of the world when it came to emotionally charged concepts.

Another problem with “integrity” and “trustworthiness” is, everyone thinks they have integrity and can be trusted… even the most hardened and ruthless of criminals. People love to impose their own “integrity map” on others because it makes them feel good.

It’s not that “honesty” and “trustworthiness” are useless concepts—they are, and people in general can pretty much agree on what is and isn’t dishonest. It’s the specifics where they get into trouble, and the act of imposing their definition of trust/honesty on others that causes friction.

That’s why I much prefer the concept of predictability—it’s emotionally neutral, and lays the groundwork on how to deal with individual people. Instead of imposing your map on them, you elicit and observe theirs and deal with them based on observed, recurring behaviors.

Let me give you an example. Years ago, I had a girlfriend who was, shall we say, a bit dramatic. If there was no drama, she’d create it. But I noticed something interesting about her. If I performed a “show of strength” every three days, the drama would cease. If I went over three days, it would start up again.

So, I was stern with her every three days, and the drama went away. Why this worked I have no idea (and it’s not something that applies to all women), but it did. She was predictable.

When you judge someone based on predictability, you can have relationships you could never have if you used trust/honesty as a measuring stick. Why? Because no one wants “dishonest” or “untrustworthy” people in their lives—makes you look like a fool. But when you use predictability you can spend time with people in certain areas, and avoid them in others.

For example, I used to have a friend who I just could not bring around any woman I was interested in. He’d cut me off, try to date her, and do everything he could to talk me out of seeing her. Obviously not behavior I want in my life. But, he was also a funny, personable guy, and someone who was great to go to happy hour with the guys.

So, I simply saw him for happy hour, enjoyed his company and that was that. He was predictable in that area and just as predictable when I brought a woman… so I didn’t do that.

I had another friend who had a habit of flaking out about half the time we agreed to get together. But, he was good guy when we did get together, and I enjoyed hanging out with him. So, instead of getting rid of him, I always made plans that included other people and if he showed, great, if not I still had a good time. He was predictable, and I managed our relationship based on predictability.

Obviously this carries over in all areas of relating to women. All you need to do is determine if she’s predictable, and spend time with her in the areas you can predict. When you quit worrying about if you can “trust” her, and start spending time with her based on predictable behavior, you quit worrying and your emotions around her are stable.

Stability of emotion leads to good decision making, and allows you to choose your outcomes with women. So, the next time you’re with one you find attractive, stop asking, “Can I trust her?” and start asking “is she predictable?” Things will go much better.

How To Get Her Wondering If You Like Her For A Change and If This Surprises You About Dating, You’re In Big Trouble

How To Get Her Wondering If YOU Like Her… For A Change

I hear from a lot of guys who ask, “How do I know if she likes me?” They always want to know if there’s subtle body language hints they should look for, or some other “magic signal” that indicates “female liking.”

I always tell them this is a bad way to think because it gives her the authority and control in the interaction, something women can’t stand. She should be wondering if YOU “like her!”

Why is this important? Think about it for a minute—what emotion are guys feeling when they wonder “does she like me?” Attraction! Aha… could this be useful to us?

Absolutely. When a woman wonders, “does he like me?” she’s attracted. She wouldn’t wonder that otherwise because she wouldn’t care. So, the question is, how do we get her to wonder if YOU like her?

One of the best ways is by engaging in unpredictable, “naughty boy” behavior, saying and doing things you shouldn’t, and so on.

But another great way is by touching her the right way, for just a tiny bit longer than a “friend” would… but not as long as a “waldo” does. Here’s what I mean: if I shake her hand, I look her in the eye, smile my naughty boy smile, and hold and squeeze it just a bit longer than I should. But then I let it go.

If I give her a hug, I do the same, holding it longer than a friend, but less so than a guy begging her favor. I let it go just before she wants me to, which creates uncertainty. And uncertainty creates attraction because she starts wondering, “does he like me? I think he held my hand longer than if he wanted to be friends, but then he let it go… what does it mean?”

When you get a woman thinking about you in this way, and you build anticipation, you can create serious, rapid attraction. Women love this, but rarely get it because most men are too afraid, or too eager. Fall right in the “sweet spot of uncertainty” and you’ll have more attraction than you can handle.

If This Surprises You About Dating, You’re In Big Trouble

A get a lot of correspondence from guys that goes something like this: “I met this woman, we hit it off so I asked her out- and I was surprised when she said yes!”

What usually follows this is a story about the woman flaking, or a question as to why there wasn’t a second meeting after the first one.

Here’s why this happens: because you were “surprised she said yes,” you doubt your ability to create attraction with her. You believe you’re going to fail. And when you believe you’re going to fail you will.

This applies doubly so to creating attraction with women. Why? Because women instantly pick up on what you’re feeling inside. If you’re feeling naughty, playful, and confident, she feels that and it creates attraction. But if it shifts to doubt, even for a second, she picks up on it, and you’re done—the attraction is gone, which leads to flaking and failure.

Women don’t consciously do this. They make decisions on what they’re feeling inside, and act according to that feeling. If you want her to spend time with you, you need to make her feel attraction based on your own emotional state.

The same thing applies when you start thinking, “I wonder if she likes me…” Again, that’s self doubt and it kills attraction before it ever has a chance.

You need to develop the expectation, the belief that women are attracted to you. If you give her the opportunity to spend time with you, you must expect her to seize that opportunity. She’ll pick up on this belief, translate it to confidence, and feel attraction for you.

The only time you should be surprised is if a woman doesn’t accept the opportunity to spend more time with you. But, don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you doubted yourself if this happens, all it means is she had bad taste—and who wants to spend time with a woman who has bad taste, anyways?

What you expect to happen, will happen. So, expect success!

Can I Play With Dating Madness?

I’ve got a pretty good episode for you guys today, one which will help you guys who’ve made poor selections with women in the past. What I’m going to do is teach you how to dis-qualify women who have the potential to wreck your life, before they cause even an ounce of trouble...

I have a friend who has a big problem. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can’t figure out why. Actually, most of the women he dates aren’t merely dysfunctional, they’re psychotic.

In fact, he told me a story about the last woman he dated, how she literally stalked him for three months after their relationship ended, one day calling him a “Nazi,” the next calling him the sweetest guy on earth. It got so bad he decided to sell his house and move out of state. No joke, this is a true story.

However, this is NOT the first woman like this he’s dated. In fact, most women he’s dated are like this.

Now, you might think this guy is bad looking and broke, a complete loser who just can’t “do any better.” The truth though is this: the guy’s 6’2”, in good shape, could pose for GQ, and does very well financially. And, he can be a fun, witty guy to hang out with. Why then, does he have this issue?

There are actually several answers to this question (and we don’t have time to cover all of them today), but many of them have to do with what’s called “map/model of the world,” both his and theirs. We’ll talk about his in a later episode—for now; just realize your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Obviously he’s got some work to do on his inner world, but for now let’s talk about map/model of the women he dates.

Just what is “map/model” of the world? It’s simply how each individual human being views the world—the sum total of our internal representations. Let me give you an example that will clarify this.

Let’s say you and I are listening to the radio and a particular song comes on. You hate it, but I like it. Why? Because we both have different maps/models of the world. Although the “input” (in this case the song) was exactly the same, the “output” (our reaction to the song) was different. Our “maps” create the differing output. How we view the world is different.

When you’re screening women to see if they’re worth spending time with, you want to uncover as much of their map/model of the world as possible. Why? Because how they’ve behaved in the past (based on their map/model of the world) is how they will behave in the future. And if the past behavior they’ve exhibited is bad, their future behavior will be worse.

When my friend told me about his experience with this “crazy woman” I asked how they met, what she said to him. It took me 15 minutes of listening to him for me to determine, simply based on what she said to him, that she was a “nonstarter.”

Why? Because she’d described several instances of psychotic/stalking behavior in past relationships. But, since he wasn’t actively uncovering her map/model of the world, and making decisions based on it, he got into a horrible relationship, I would have avoided completely.

So just how do you uncover a woman’s map? By asking, “elicitation questions” and actively listening. You want to look for common patterns of behavior that reoccur in her past relationships.

Awhile back I met a woman online and we met at Town Lake here in Austin for a walk. As we walked, I simply asked her about her online experiences. Over and over she said, “Oh he kept following me, but he was a loser.” Then I asked her about her relationships, and she kept talking about how guys “cheated on her all the time.” How did she know they were cheating, I asked? Well, she said, because I would drive by their houses, and strange cars would be in the driveway.

Now, if I’d pursued ANY type of relationship with this woman, what do you think the outcome would have been? She would have driven by my house, looking for “strange cars” and then she would have accused me of “cheating.” And then she would have come to my place of work at odd hours to “confront me.” Why? Because that’s what she did with all the guys who “cheated on her.”

Obviously I never met with her again, even though she was cute. But many guys would have, because they were paying attention to looks, not uncovering her map or model of the world. And the next six months of their lives would have been HELL.

Listening for map/model of the world is a valuable skill to develop. So… I’ve got some homework for you guys. As you go throughout your day tomorrow, actively listen for other people’s maps. Get them to tell you stories, and listen for recurring patterns of behavior, both good and bad. Develop this skill, and utilize it, and you’ll be able to avoid a lot of heartache, and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

Unusual Photo Secrets That Make Or Break Female Attraction

Where can you use your picture with women? Obviously on the internet if you’re attracting women over the web, but if you’re already in a relationship, you want the woman in your life to have one of you, and preferably more. Why? Because everytime she sees it, it reinforces her attraction for you IF you’ve taken it correctly.

The first thing you need to do when you get your picture taken is to make sure you have a genuine smile on your face. Not a phoney, hokey s—t-eating grin, but an honest to goodness smile, the kind you smile just before you start to laugh.

You want to have a “naughty thought” in your mind, and a mischievous look in your eye, so when she thinks of you, she thinks of your “naughty side.” I have tested picture after picture online, and the one I have posted on my current online profiles far out pulls any of the others. I always get compliments on my “smile and eyes,” and that picture was taken very deliberately.

What other things should be in your picture? Things that make you appear attractive. What should NOT be in your picture? Things that in comparison make you appear unattractive.

Let me give you a few examples. I recently did an online profile critique for a guy who had pictures with him and his friend. He’s short and balding; his friend is tall, with a full head of hair and blue eyes. The friend has got to go—in comparison, he looks unattractive.

Now, he did have a picture of him with an attractive woman by his side who was shorter than him, and obviously happy to be there—this should stay, as it makes him more attractive (social proof, as well as her touching him).

He was also losing his hair, and when it comes to hair, you should either have it or not. If you’re losing your hair, I’d recommend getting rid of it all and doing the “bald look.” If you have a woman in your life who likes you the way you are, that’s OK, but if not, looking like George Kostanza is no help for your love life. Balding makes you look like a wuss, bald makes you tough and edgy.

What else is important? How you’re dressed is important—get a woman to dress you before you have your picture taken. Cut your hair (if you have any), get a shave (at least trim a beard or mustache), clip your nails, and look as neat as possible. Women notice details us guys don’t, and she’ll notice you’re neat and well dressed.

Also, if you have a cute puppy or kitten, it doesn’t hurt to have a picture taken with them either. If you look through the online personals, you’ll be amazed at how many women have posted a picture of their dog or cat.

The end result is this: when she sees your picture she should either be reminded why she’s attracted to you, or intrigued enough to discover more about you. Don’t neglect the power of pictures… they can be a very important piece of the attraction puzzle.