You Are Who You Present Yourself To Be In Dating and Do You Stink? How Do You Know?

You Are Who You Present Yourself To Be In Dating

Most people are worried about what other people think about them. If a guy meets a woman, one of the first things he usually asks himself (unless he’s one of my students) is “what does she think about me? Does she like me? Am I her type?”

Most people let others define their reality for them because they simply don’t realize you can create your own reality. In the movie The Truman Show, there’s a great line, one to live by: people tend to accept the reality with which they are presented.

If you present yourself as a guy who’s scared of women, women will think of you as a guys who’s scared of women. If you present yourself as a confident guy who’s “good with women,” they’ll tend to accept you as that.

Con men understand this better than anyone. If you ever see a 20/20 or 48 hours interview with a con man, you’ll see what I mean. They concoct some of the most unbelievable tales imaginable, yet people who should know better take them at face value and fall for their con. Why are they so effective? Because, in the moment, they believe the reality they’re presenting to the mark. And because they believe it and present it (and their mark wants to believe it), everyone else does, even though a quick examination of the facts would prove otherwise.

Consider this: if you take the geekiest high school nerd, change his dress, teach him to walk, train him on my secrets, then put him in a new school positioned as the “bad boy,” everyone at the new school will accept him as the bad boy, even though he was the nerd at the other one. Why? Because he simply presented a different reality to people.

You Are Who You Present Yourself To Be In Dating

If you want to achieve power and success in the world (not just with women), then present a powerful and successful guy to the world. Walk, talk, and act as the successful do. Study the things they do, do the things they do. You will become as successful as they are, but the world will accept you a lot sooner if you present yourself that way.

Do You STINK? How Do You Know?

Did you know that women actually have a sense of smell three times more powerful than men? It’s true… and it can work for you and against you.

How it can work against you is obvious, but many guys ignore the obvious. If you go to meet a woman, be sure you’re showered, and smell clean. If she’s coming over to your place, be sure your place is clean; especially all the pee stains around the toilet. If you think there “might be” a smell, then there is, and nothing kills attraction faster than a foul odor.

Go and fetch yourself one of those scented candles, and fire it up a few hours before she comes over—it’ll make the place smell good, and almost every woman I know loves candles.

Another way scent can work against you is this: if you wear a cologne that an ex boyfriend (or abusive or gross relative) wears, then you’ll fire off an anchor in her, brining back all the bad memories associated with that scent. She’ll feel bad around you, and think you’re the reason. On a first meeting, I recommend you don’t wear cologne, just show up smelling fresh.

Here’s how smell CAN work for you. Once you know she’s attracted to you, ask her if she likes cologne on men. If she says yes, get her to take you shopping and pick out a brand she likes best. While you’re there, ask her if there’s any scented candles she really likes (I haven’t met a woman yet who doesn’t like scented candles). Then whenever you see her, wear the cologne she likes, and whenever she comes over burn the candles she likes. Presuming you’ve done a good job creating attraction whenever she smells your cologne or candle, she’ll think of YOU. That ways she’ll think about you even when you’re not around!

So the lesson is this: just make sure you stink the way she likes you to stink, and you’ll be A-OK.

The Last Word On Dating “Chemistry” - For Now and Where To Practice Basic Dating Naughtiness

The Last Word On Dating “Chemistry” - For Now

If you read through any number of women’s online profiles, you’ll see a constant running through them: a desire to feel “chemistry” with a man.

Here are a few of my observations and experiences with “chemistry.” First off, “chemistry” is a word that holds deep meaning for women, but not much meaning for men.

Chemistry is not to be confused with “love” although many people, unfortunately, do so. It’s a transient high that occurs when two people first meet each other, and it’s something that lasts for months, not years—it tends to wear off with time and familiarity.

Chemistry is triggered in women by what I call, “naughty boy” behavior in men… unpredictable, fun, unexpected things, a “naughty boy smile,” and then switching between sincerity and back again to “naughtiness” just when she thinks she has you figured out.

When women experience “intense chemistry” with a guy, they tend to think about him all the time—scarcity can increase the intensity all the more, because when you part ways, you leave her wanting more, with her not wanting you to leave.

Under the glare of intense chemistry (where “longing” is a component) women tend to rationalize or “re-frame” obvious bad behavior by the guy—he borrows money from her constantly because he’s a lazy bum, she views him as simply “down on his luck, someone who’ll get it together soon.” When the chemistry disappears, and she sees the bum for what he is, oftentimes you’ll hear these exact words, “I just don’t know what I saw in him.”

Chemistry is not something that “happens,” it can be created by careful practice and application of what I teach in Secrets of Natural Attraction When you switch the question in your head from, “Gee, I wonder if she likes me?” to “How can I create and enhance ‘chemistry’ in her?” you’re well on your way to massive success with women.

Obviously there’s more to know about chemistry—but if you keep the above in mind when interacting with any woman, more often than not you’ll do something few people are ever able to do in OR out of school… get an “A” in chemistry.

Where To Practice Basic Dating Naughtiness

Today I want to talk about the best place to “practice” what I call being a “naughty boy.” Sometimes this can be a bit hard to “practice” because you’re already in the middle of a “live date,” but you need to practice if you’re going to get good at it.

The best place I’ve discovered to “practice” is with waitresses during off peak times—after the lunch crowd has left, or on a slow night. What’s great about practicing with waitresses is, they have to approach you first, and they are already in a friendly frame of mine.

What I do with waitresses is practice making “naughty comments,” seeing how many I can get in while she’s attending to me. This forces you to think very quickly in a pressure free environment because she can only spend a certain amount of time with you before she has to take care of other people. Because you’re “just practicing,” there’s no expectation of you doing anything with her (although you will find yourself spending time outside of work with a lot of waitresses as you get good at it), so you feel loose.

My intent is to see how much I can get her to laugh, and how much I can get her to return my “naughty smile,” touch me, etc. What’s great about practicing with waitresses is, you very quickly develop a set of expressions that you know work—you get a “feel” for being “naughty.” The trick is to create as much attraction in the smallest amount of time possible, leaving her feeling great because she had a fun interaction with an attractive guy.

So, you guys who feel you need to practice (and all of you do), simply go find a restaurant with a few cute waitresses, and let out the naughty boy inside. You’ll be shocked when a few of them DON’T want you to leave… that’s when you know you’re getting good at this.

How Important Are Women in Your Dating Life? And the Flavor of the Weak in Dating

How Important Are Women In Your Dating Life?

Every time I check my email box I’m amused. Why? Because I almost always get emails back to back that say completely different things, even though both writers are responding to the same thing.

One guy will say I’m a moron. The next will say I’m a genius. One guy will say I’m a snake oil salesman and a rip off artist. The next will have an incredible success story about how he turned his love life around using my materials, and is now with the woman of his dreams. Amusing stuff, for sure.

There is one recurring topic though, that I think merits discussion—do you really need women in your life? It’s funny—I’ll get an email that says, “if I could only get this one special girl, my life would be perfect,” then the next one says, “all women are dogs, and you’re better off without them.”

Obviously, these are both extremes, but it does bring up the question, how important are women in your life?

Here’s my answer: while there are certainly different strokes for different folks, I’ll submit that having women in your life on your terms is extremely important to your success and overall well-being.

The man who knows he can attract women, the man who women flock to, has a much healthier self image than the man who says, “I don’t need them” but secretly wants one anyways.

If you know how to create attraction with women, things just go much better. You’re not worried about women cheating on you, you’re not worried about meeting them, and you don’t have any difficulty in your day to day interactions with them. The man who says he doesn’t “want or need them” is referring, of course, to the results of attraction gone bad, not to women themselves (even though he may delude himself into thinking that’s the case).

Now, the man who hangs his hat on “one special woman” is in just as bad shape because he thinks that being with “the woman of his dreams” is going to bring him emotional fulfillment. Not true at all—that only comes from within, from have a healthy self image, from expecting to be successful with women.

It is important to recognize that women DO play a very important role in men’s lives, but equally important to realize that you can and choose what that role is for yourself. Mastering the art and science of attraction is what allows you to choose that role, and experience all the wonderful things there are to experience with women.

The Flavor Of The Weak in Dating

On the weekends I go to a different gym than I do during the week. It’s closer to my home, and I like to change things up a bit when I work out. Now the gym I go to on the weekdays plays a lot of really good music-- all the great rock from the 80’s.

The gym I go to on the weekends hasn’t advanced that far yet, and they still play a lot of the whiney, contemporary music. As much as I can’t stand it, I make it a point to listen to the lyrics, because they are reflective of the current culture.

One song that caught my ear was entitled, “Flavor of the Week,” and it was a whiney, wussy musician crying about how the woman he was attracted to had a jerk of a boyfriend who ignored her all the time. His wish was that “he could only make her see that to the jerk, she was just the flavor of the week.”

His presupposition was, of course, that once she “saw” this, that she would run to the nice, whiney, wimpy guy who would treat her like “she deserved to be treated.”

Guys, it just doesn’t work that way. There’s a reason why women are attracted to the behavior of jerks and then use the “nice guy” as a shoulder to cry on before running off with the jerk.

The “jerk” creates attraction because he’s exciting, mysterious, intriguing and isn’t too concerned if she “likes him.” The nice guy does NOT create attraction because she knows for sure he likes her, and he’ll do anything she wants. He’s weak. There’s no mystery, intrigue, or excitement, hence no attraction.

Does that mean you should be a jerk to women? Of course not—the trick is to take the behavior of the jerk that creates attraction, but remove the dysfunction that most jerks possess. You can still be a decent guy and create attraction, as long as you exhibit those behaviors that create attraction, and avoid those that kill it.

But if you persist in the “nice guy behavior,” all you’ll be doing is giving her the “flavor of the weak,” causing her to look for the jerk who’ll just make her his “flavor of the week.”

What If She Makes Fun of You, Then REJECTS You?

Do you know what stops most men from attracting women? I’ll tell you what it’s not, then tell you what it is. It’s not rejection. Women rarely reject men unless given a reason by the man to reject them. And, the truth is, most men DO give women a reason to reject them.

The reason? FEAR of rejection. That’s what kills most initial attraction. If she feels that you’re afraid of her or of rejection, it will kill the attraction. She won’t know why, all she’ll know is that it was there, and gone. And when it’s gone, you will be too.

I received an email from a man today, asking me about this very subject. Have a look at this question, then pay attention to my answer

Hi John,

I follow your mails from the island of Malta. Well done and thanks. My question is you mention a lot of times that attraction is made when we have the guts and go and talk ourselves to woman. Ok fair enough and I agree, but 1) what will be the 1st step, what shall we start talking about, and 2) if you don't have enough guts John, and when you go she just makes fun of you and get rejected what will happen. This is only I ask. Thanks once again

Joe

JA: Joe, thanks for the questions all the way from Malta—it’s good to know my reach is truly worldwide! First off, you’re setting a very bad frame on yourself when you say you need guts to talk to a woman. When you do this, you’re giving into the belief that it’s a stressful, dangerous circumstance. Running into a burning building requires guts, talking to a woman involves fun. The shift is subtle, but very important. Women want to be with fun guys, not scared, stressed out ones and if you feel you need “guts” to talk to a woman, you’re done before you ever started.

So, once you’re clear that when you talk to a woman it’s from the point of view of fun and playfulness; it’s time to actually talk to a woman. What do you talk about “first?” Pay close attention, here: you talk about whatever YOU feel like talking about. In other words, you control the interaction because you choose the subject. The way to do this is to only talk to women you find interesting—and you talk about what piqued your interest (not her appearance). The best way to start off is with a naughty, playful comment. For instance, I saw a woman out at the pool with tattoo it looked like she paid 50 cents for. So, I simply said, “Hey, did you get that tattoo from a kindergartner? Looks like he’s been coloring outside the lines!”

Now, this isn’t some canned line I have. It just popped into my head as a naughty comment on the environment, something I try to do with every woman I meet. It immediately puts me in authority because—I made fun of her, first! And because I say it with a playful tone, and a naughty smile, she laughed. They always laugh, because it’s my intent for her to laugh. And when she laughs, it’s the laugh of attraction.

Because I have no fear of rejection, she can’t reject me. I never ask her out, or ask for her number or set up a situation where she can reject me. I always set it up so I can reject her. How? By ending every interaction by presenting her with the opportunity to spend more time with me. That’s it. I’ll tell her, “Well, you’ve entertained me somewhat, and I might allow you to try to entertain me more.” Then I’ll set up a second meeting right there, then exchange contact information.

See, by framing it as a continuation of an obviously enjoyable interaction, she can’t reject me. And I wouldn’t care if she did. Doesn’t bother me a bit. But, the truth is, I haven’t had a “no” in years. Understand this: women want attractive men to talk to them. They rarely get to meet one. If you can create attraction, she’s the one who’s afraid of rejection, not you.

And if she makes fun of you, great—make fun of her right back. It’s a sign that she’s a fun girl with lots of energy, and those are the best kind.

Do You Have the “Magic Touch With Women?”

Ever had a woman “freak out” because you touched her the wrong way? Ever had one gripe that you don’t show her enough affection? The subject of touch can be pretty confusing… but since I’m in a good mood today, I thought I’d shed some light on the subject.

I hear from guys over and over: things were going great, then I “made my move” and she didn’t want anything to do with me. Or, even worse, “I thought I should kiss her, but didn’t want to offend her, and I never heard from her again. Help!”

Lots of mixed messages here, huh guys? The truth is, women do liked to be touched, and do liked to be kissed, but… only after they’re gradually “warmed up.” Obviously after you’re intimate with her things are different, but when you’re first feeling each other out, how you touch her or don’t touch her will determine if she ever “feels you up.”

I’ve used this analogy before, but I’m going to use it again since it gives such a vivid mental picture when it comes to how you should touch a woman. If you take a marble, put it in boiling water, then drop it into a glass of ice water, it will shatter. Why? The transition is too sudden. However, if you take it out of the boiling water, let it cool, and then put it in the ice water it will be just fine. Why? Because there was a smooth transition. And when you begin touching a woman, there needs to be smooth progression, not a sudden jolt.

See, too many guys try to go from having a great time in conversation to “laying one on her” and catching her by surprise. Many times this will scare a woman who otherwise would have been very happy to kiss you, had you smoothly led up to it. It’s the sudden jolt that can scare her off, not the kiss itself. Women like to be kissed… AFTER they’ve been warmed up.

So, let me tell you how the King does it… then you can put it to use and get some “royal results” of your own.

I always start with relaxing her via conversation—being funny, naughty, cocky, making her laugh, getting her to open up and talk about herself. After I feel her relax and after I’ve made her laugh a few times I start to touch her in a very non-threatening way.

I’ll make her laugh, and as she laughs I’ll gently brush her forearm with the back of my hand. The next time I’ll touch her shoulder with the open palm of my hand. If she responds positively to that, then I’ll get a bit bolder.

Here’s something I learned from a cute Asian girl three or four years ago: if a woman is not feeling attracted to a guy, she won’t let him touch her. So, if she responds positively to my initial touch, I know there’s a spark of attraction. If she continues to respond positively as I touch her shoulder, I know the attraction is growing. What I’m looking for is for her to touch me back in a like-minded way… when she begins to reciprocate and touch me, there’s a mutual attraction.

After I touch her shoulder, I’ll usually take her hand and comment of one of her rings, or her nails. Women don’t wear rings just to wear them… they wear them because they like them. And women talk about things they like. So… I’ll take her hand and say, “Hey I like that ring… is there a story behind it, or is it just a ‘fun ring’?” Most of the time it’s just a “fun ring,” but she’s always happy I asked, and I continue to hold onto her hand after she answers. Rarely do they pull it away… remember, I’m holding her hand after she’s already responded positively to my touch.

Then I get a bit more daring. Instead of touching her shoulder, the next time she laughs, I lightly touch her kneecap with my fingers, and quickly pull them away. Many times I’ll have women do the same to me, which is a good sign. I don’t grab and squeeze, or touch her inner thigh, I touch her “teasingly” like a naughty little boy and then pull my hand away… after all, she must EARN the right to have me touch her more intimately.

Now, after all this, what do you think her reaction will be when I kiss her? Desire, passion? Yep… and I’ve even had one or two tell me, “It’s about time you kissed me, what took you so long?”

To which I replied, “Well, it took you longer to EARN it!” Hah!

And that, my friends, is how you apply the “Magic Touch” to women!